Anacacia

A Steady Night

2007-11-30T20:18:26Z

She stares out the window.
The moon is so bright.
Next to her is a half-drunken bottle of tequilla,
she's been drinking it all night.
Other side of her lay a shotgun,
steady and still.
I bet it's ready,
already filled.
Numorus cuts and bruises on her body,
She wanted to know what pain felt like.
But you haven't seen the needles,
she put into her body tonight.
Her body is telling her,
"You haven't a chance to fight."
She chugs her tequilla,
it's gone by 3.
She picks up the shotgun,
and puts it to her head.
Can you see what you've done to her now?
BANG!
She is dead.
You're to blame.
You made her feel this way,
oh that poor little dame.
You tried to play God,
and look at what you got,
a big NOTHING!
She wrote little poems about you,
how much she wanted you gone,
but how much she wanted you there.
You took away all her pens and paper,
and what did she have left?
A nice bottle of tequilla,
and a bullet for her head.
Now I feel the exact same,
gradually the pens and paper slip away,
I hide it all away and say I have no pain,
but now can you see how I feel?
You're not listening to a word I say,
you've lied to me a thousand times,
you've taken my will to write,
and you've taken everything right!
Please!
Leave me to die.
I have a nice bottle of wine,
and a gun under my bed,
face me now,
but it's too late.
I'm already dead.

His Intentions

2007-11-26T11:37:12Z

His voice is beyond angelic.
The sight of him takes my breath away.
I get beyond nervous around him,
and I can't help but to giggle insanely.
Then I say all the wrong things,
and it makes me sound so lame.
My feelings for him are so astonishing,
he's hurt me in the past,
why am I letting him back into my life?

Any guy that plays acoustic for me,
is consittered a great guy.
I don't know his intentions,
maybe he wanted to just wanted me to see how he sounded,
maybe he was trying to make me giddy.
I wish I knew why he did it.

Is he letting me into his heart,
or is this a flag of friendship?
I would love to get a start in his heart,
I would love to learn why exactly he does the things he does.
I believe I'm digging way too deep into what he's done.
Although, he did ask me,
"Who made you giddy today?"
As if you didn't know.
I believe he had a purpose to what he's done,
maybe he didn't.

No-one has done this for me before,
and it just makes me wonder more.
To sound even more lame,
I looked at an astrology report.
Take a guess at what exactly it said my dears.
A virgo is what is perfect for me,
and wouldn't you guess,
he is a virgo.
It makes me smile,
but makes me sound increadibly lame.
I'm digging too much,
and it was probobly nothing but a friendly thing to do.

I wish I knew his intentions,
it really makes me wonder,
and it really makes me ponder.
I believe I'm digging too deep.
If I didn't dig so much,
I wouldn't feel this way.
My heart is over my mind now,
and I cannot help the way I feel anylonger.

It Will Never Work

2007-11-22T04:56:18Z

It's not worth it..
Nothing at all is worth it.
I'm sick of crying and being held down.
I'm sick of covering up what exactly it is I'm upset for.
I'm upset over the fact of you.
I could never have you.
I keep the feeling inside,
and thus it is burning.
I wish the burning would end,
but forever it will stay,
locked safe away.

Whenever I see him,
I try to hold a sad face,
but everytime I see him,
he makes the sad face into a happy one.
I cannot help but smile around you,
because there is no other way I would like you to see me.
I often hide the real me,
I often wonder what exactly you want from me.
Is it my true self?
Is that the one you really want me to be?

I frown, because around you,
thats just not me.
I am the happy person on the outside,
and I don't want you to see my inside.
It's been torn apart too many times,
I've set myself up for it.
Maybe this once,
if I keep my feelings locked up,
he weight of the world,
will subside.

Will you be the one to mend my broken heart?
Will you be the one to fix me on the inside?
No you won't.
I see it now.
I'm destined to stay where I stand.
i'm destined to be where I'm at.
I adore you with all my heart,
but seeing how this will never work out,
I should end this life now.

Lost Inside

2007-11-12T22:17:12Z

I feel so lost inside.
I've tried to love someone, I know that will never work.
I told him everything about me,
and I told him all that he needed to know.
He didn't feel for me at all.
Now I'm lost on the inside,
and no-one can find me out.
Do you see these tears that storm out of my eyes?

Yet do you see, I've moved on.
I've went back to loving you.
You don't feel for me either.
Now I'm more lost inside,
and not one person can feel what I feel.
I feel like getting pushed into the ground,
and getting burried six feet under.
My mind is so lost,
it's down in the gutter.
I feel so ugly,
so spit on me now.
I'm sorry for all the pain I caused,
and I know I've caused lots.
I want to be with you more then ever now.
I can't explain just what it is about you.
But something tells me this is right.
I'm up to my head in all the sayings I've said.
I'm sorry is the biggest one.
We aren't fighting anymore,
which I am entirely greatful.
If I told you my feelings,
I would want to get a knife and stab away my insides.
I cannot tell anyone my feelings anymore.
They have been bundled inside.

Kill me now.
Please I beg of you.
There was no use for saying anything,
because no-one will listen.
I'm lost with only me,
and only one person can set me free.
He's set in the past,
and I'm done counting to three.
I love how he still defends me though,
and I love how if I really need to talk to him,
he's there.
But the feeling of I know he's thinking something else,
just puts me to death.

As I said,
kill me now.
I'm holding my breath.
Fire the gun, and lets count to ten.
You're so hurt inside,
let us die toegether.
Side by side,
hand in hand.
Away from pain,
and we will be together then.

Or if you wish to save me,
then come with me.
Please hurry.
No longer will I have the need for this heart of mine,
because as soon as the fire comes,
there will be no use for it.
You can have it if you want.
It's as broken as yours.
Two broken hearts can make a whole,
take my heart and save me please,
lock it safe with a key.

I need him right now,
or I might die.
These feelings cannot stay inside no longer,
so save me tonight,
because I am lost inside.

Rain Take Me Away

2007-10-06T22:54:23Z

I'm here.
You just don't see me.
I'm tired of all the lies,
and the stupid way you treat me.
Say your stupid little goodbye,
with all your breath,
because it will be the last thing I'll hear,
before I dissapear.
Did you really think all of this would last?
That stupidness you call love,
well take a look at it now,
and smile at what I've become.
I'm drowned in my emotion...
is this what I want?
Do I want more?
I love how you said you trusted me,
and didn't believe I could take what was wrong at the end.
So listen to your words,
and think about how I feel.
I'm more upset then anyone in the world.
And Oh Is That Rain Outside?
Welcoming my little goodbye.
I'm away...
and there is nothing you can do to save me.

Sunlight Bring You Back

2007-09-19T00:54:09Z

The daylight,
it has came.
Nothing is the same.
I'm staring at the window wondering,
when was I released from this pain?
The burdon of you is no longer here,
and the sadness has found a way out of my heart.
Gradually it's remains are coming back together,
and the fight is no longer remaining.
I wish I could still call you friend,
and I wish that you where still here.
Is this how it was soppost to work out all along?
I cannot beleive that this is so.
Impossible for it to be.
Your gone out of my life for good,
and now I have no-one to love.
I still have this sadness inside my head,
are you ever coming back again?
Should I say so long and call it a night?
Are you finished causing all my frights?
I cannot help but to feel an emptiness,
and a feeling of dread lurks inside.
Even though the pieces of my heart are coming back together,
they still have a big hole in a certain part.
The part says that I need one piece for completion.
The piece of which, you hold.
I want it back so much,
and yet you won't let it go.
I see that you are squeezing the life out of it,
squeezing my heart.
Then I notice you take a knife and stab it in the middle,
and I see a smile that is out of control.
It saddens me to see that,
and to see that nothing is going to work.
Saying sorry isn't going to make it whole.
I can't explain what is the problem,
and don't even know why this fight began.
Even though the light is shedding on me,
I don't want to go in it yet.
I want to stay in darkenss a bit longer,
and I want to resolve what went wrong,
I so miss the happyness,
or should I say the sadness that you brought me,
that I turned into smiles and joy?
Finding a way to releive pain,
is coming easier everyday.
I'm going to say I miss you,
and I feel that I am doomed without you.
Please don't go away.
I love all of our little mistakes.
Sunlight isn't for me,
darkenss, let it be.
I want you back with all my heart,
say hello,
and lets restart.

Goodbye

2007-09-14T10:20:58Z

I can't find the light anymore,
I'm lost in my own mind.
The way out is no longer clear.
What went wrong?
Why am I not singing that song?
My love for you is lost,
but I can't sign off.
I thought you'd be in my mind forever,
but you're not here anymore.
Right now I'm crying because I'm confused,
I just can't take it anymore.
I feel like jumping down a well,
because I caused Hell,
and now that you're gone,
What else can I say,
but, "So Long?"
The peace has subsided,
and everything broke loose.
Even though the folder in my mind of you is empty,
I can say,
I miss you.
How I do, is unclear.
Now you no longer have to stay here.
Goodbye the lover I never had,
goodbye the friend that never was there,
goodbye the maker of all my mistakes,
goodbye the main component of all my dreams.
Goodbye the reason for my endless sleep.
Knife in hand,
cut my wrist,
blood slid down,
into my fist.
Goodbye cruel world, you will be missed.

Stay or Go

2007-09-11T19:10:43Z

Make me scream.
Make me scared,
break my heart,
now stay away.
I'm not going to be able to stand it.
Seeing you every morning,
it burns me inside.
Whenever you walk by,
it makes me scream inside.
I can't take the pain,
your causing me.
If we aren't going anywhere,
then why should you stay?
Your tormenting my insides.
PLEASE STAY AWAY!
Toying with my emotions won't get anywhere.
You make me cry,
when you walk by.
You just came again,
and my heart sprung.
Trying to get over you,
is NOT easy.
I'm trying so hard for you,
I'm trying hard to be perfect.
I can't!
You make me so sad.
At the same time you make me mad.
You say your looking for the one,
isn't that FALSE advertising?
So technicly,
your looking for a cheap one time thing.
I want you so bad,
that I want YOU.
I'll wait until your cured from heartache.
I want you to wait too.
Your hurt so much,
that I can hear your screams from inside.
I never see a tear roll down your cheek,
you are so strong to me,
when I know whats wrong,
and how you keep it together,
it makes me wonder.
I'm so torn up inside,
do I want you?
Do I really feel for you?
Or,
do I need you gone?
I can't figure which one I want.
Stay,
or begone.
I need to know.
Do you want me?
Or do you want me away from your sight?
Either way,
I'll probably cry.
I don't want to think,
why your always around.
Maybe it's a sign,
or,
perhaps,
your just here to hurt me.
Whatever your here for,
please explain it.
I'm here so you can tell me.
Always here.

Pushed Away

2007-09-11T18:58:14Z

How does it feel,
to know that nothing is real?
The words that you decided to say to me,
are planted in my memory.
You are not forgiven for this,
welcome to everlasting pain.
Welcome to the place where nothing goes away,
I understand that she pushed you away,
I really don't want to be the same.
The way that you treated me,
and how whenever something is wrong,
it's my fault,
and I have to say sorry,
and wait for forgiveness.
Now it's your turn.
You were in the wrong,
I'm not going to be singing that song.
YOU ARE!
The many times,
I've wanted you to die,
and the many times,
I've wanted to scream at you.
I can't help but to feel,
that all this comes back to me.
Your treating me,
like she treated you.
I can't believe you want to be with someone like that.
I can't believe that your still in a trance.
Your pushing me away,
because I'm not the same,
you want someone to release you from pain,
why are you looking?
I've always been in front of you.
Thanks for ignoring me,
thanks for treating me like nothing.
Your a great friend.

A Peaceful Suicide

2007-08-27T20:13:40Z

A feeling of unimaginal dread.
The feeling of,
not going to bed.
The thoughts of wondering,
when I'll be whole again.
Everytime we fight,
a peice of my heart leavces me.
I'm tired of crying,
and I'm tired of dying.
When you leave me alone,
I stare at the phone,
thinking,
"Is he gonna call?"
It gets so stupid when I'm lonely,
I feel ashamed when you hold me,
I whimper when nothing is right.
I stare out the window,
and wait for a passer-by to notice me.
Nobody's here.
I'm alone again,
it's my worst fear.
My thoughts arn't empty,
yet I'm unhappy.
Nothing is right inside.
I'm torn up between,
the lies and the truths,
which am I following?
Which is better for you?
I feel so dreadful,
what did I do?
Am I lost forever?
Am I gonna break through?
As I'm wondering these thoughts,
I think of a permanent solution,
for a temporary problem,
it will come so sweetly,
and help me through.
As I lay on the bed,
with the gun to my head,
my thoughts become empty,
and I say,
"This is what I'm gonna do."
I think of how this will get you back,
you'll cry,
and I'll lay,
dead in the ground,
already flown away.
Your stupid plan to make me feel bad,
worked great.
I smile at the thought,
of you cutting your own wrists,
and I laugh at the thought of you losing blood.
The smile soon fades,
as I take the gun away.
making you sad is not my wish,
you put me down,
and bring me back up,
I start crying because I'm confused.
How I want to hurt you,
how I want to love you.
The fact still remains,
you made my heart cry inside.
In the end,
I put the gun back to my head,
I pulled the trigger,
a smile on my face,
a scream in fear,
and death was near.
My last thoughts was when you made me happy,
and how you made me smile at the perfect moments.
I saw you come to the funeral,
I came in spirit,
and watched you kneel beside the coffin.
I looked at your slit wrists,
and watched a tear escape your eye.
You were talking to me,
and how I wished I could hear.
You smiled and moved my hair,
and stuck a rose behind my ear.
You kissed my cheek,
and then went back to your seat.
I couldn't help but take the seat next to you.
I whimpered,
because all along I knew.
As the light came,
I knew it was time to leave.
I looked at you one final time,
and you were looking back at me,
with a smile on your face...
and then,
I felt the kiss on my cheek.

Hate

2007-08-27T20:02:58Z

Of all things going through my mind,
hate is the biggest one.
I hate how you ignore me,
I hate how you say you respect me,
and then how you keep things from me.
I hate how your never there when I need you.
I hate how your always there when you need me.
I hate how you smile at me,
and I hate how you act depressed.
I hate when you never answer me,
and how I always answer you.
I hate when you tell me, "Drop it."
I hate when you make me depressed,
and I hate when you make me laugh.
I hate how you say your happy,
when everything has gone wrong.
I hate how good you cover things up.
I hate your thoughts,
I hate everthing.
But the worst thing I hate,
is how you make me happy,
and how I fall in love with you more everyday.

Bricks

2007-08-27T20:00:03Z

Everyday,
I can't help but to feel as if your drifting from me.
"I'm not ready to tell you yet."
Are words that make me feel unwelcome.
When you say that,
you put another brick in the wall.
I want to knock that wall down,
but you keep building it.
It hurts me so,
but if your safe,
then I will let it go.
I still cannot get you off my mind.
Your planed in there,
and my thoughts grow more and more everyday.
Everytime we do talk,
you blow me away with what you have to say.
I also have these thoughts,
maybe he feels the same.
Maybe he likes me, like I like him.
But sometimes,
it's like, he hates me,
and never want to talk again.
I hate the fights we get into,
and I hate when we don't talk for days.
I don't wan't you to leave me,
because I don't want to leave you.

Right in the Heart

2007-08-27T19:57:02Z

You stabbed me in the heart,
and twisted the knife around.
The feeling of your nice touch,
and your love dissapeared.
I love how you said you loved me,
and how you made me feel second best.
I love how you took my heart,
and ripped it apart.
Overall,
I say you hurt me.
I really appreciate how you brought darkness.
Everywhere I go,
your shaddow follows me,
and I am forced to live in pain.
Did I love you once?
Now that I think about it...
NEVER did I love you.
You've taken a peice of my heart,
and I've never felt worse.
Your blood stained in my momory,
I need you,
are words I regretted saying.
I never said I loved you,
never will I.
You are the reason,
i've begun to hate.

Tell Me

2007-08-23T22:35:00Z

It's that feeling when you get stabbed in the heart,
it's that feeling when the world is caving in on you.
It's that feeling that no-one cares,
it's that feeling when you are hurting everyone you see.
You cry at night,
and you scream at the sight.
It's not much to be scared of,
it's not much to be sad about.
It's the fact that it's there.
It's the fact that it doesn't have to be though.
I hate when you keep the things I need to know away.
I hate when you tell me it isn't time.
I hate when you say that it's okay,
I hate when you say it will be all better soon.
I hate when you tell me it's not my fault.
I hate when you tell me I don't need to know.
I hate when you keep anything from me.
I hate everything that you keep from me.
I get so jelious.
Who is he telling?
Why don't I know?
I should,
but I don't.
Why do I want to hurt you,
but why do I want to love you at the same time?
You have to understand,
that when I say I care...
I MEAN IT.
When I say anything,
I mean it.
I'm always going to be here.
If you have something to say...
just tell me.

Let Me Free

2007-08-15T19:40:29Z

You hurt me way too much,
so much that you've branded me as yours.
I feel like I have no freedom at all.
I'm chained to your side having nothing at all.
The only things I ever hear are stupid words,
"Leave me, you'll hate me.
Leave me, and I'll hurt myself.
Leave me, and you'll wish you never did."
I just cry at night.
I feel so imprisoned.
I've never felt so increadibly low.
The one chance I had to run away I did.
As fast as I could,
I got away.
To the nearest place,
I ran and stayed.
In hiding,
I couldn't imagine what things you could have been doing.
Right then I think of the worst possible.
Bleeding, and screaming.
The words I heard in my head burned.
All of a sudden,
they weren't in my head.
They were for real.
As the door slammed open,
a tug at the hair was the least wanted.
Oh Repunzel, Repunzel,
let down your long hair.
As I did,
I was pulled down to what was thought of as my death.
Not quite.
I was dragged,
I screamed the whole while.
Propped up,
beaten,
a broken nose didn't hurt much,
but it's the stabs to the sides and the chest that hurt the most.
After death I felt nothing.
At the end of this book,
which is the best part...
I was finally set free.

Dark (Reality)

2007-08-15T12:43:14Z

After stairing at the stars for a hour,
I know what you mean.
The darkness makes anyone feel welcome.
After weeks of thinking,
now I understand.
It's that feeling of no turning back,
the feeling like,
everything you need is right here.
Thinking in the dark is easy,
but writing is hard.
With writing a story in the dark,
there is no reason.
But oh,
how it goes deeper then that.
Probobly deeper then you thought.
The darkeness lurs people in,
and as sunlight aproaches,
you seem to turn away.
Reality is what scares you.
Now I understand part of you.
I understand why you take midnight walks,
and I understand why you hate the day.
If it makes a difference,
anyone can feel that way.
How I wish I understood you,
how I wish you understood me.
Your hard exterior,
and your lost inside,
it's somewhat easy to see.
With me,
I am dark on the outside,
but sunlight within.
Sometimes I hate how you act,
and other times I love it.
You can be so serious,
without a laugh,
but the next minute,
you could be having the greatest time.
I love the mystery.
Even though you have different moods,
I still love how they make you.
Your shaped into everything I need.
Reality is now,
in the sun,
while the day has begun,
and at night it's all away.
In the dark,
where no-one can see your fears.
Reality is that I'm always here.

Reason

2007-08-15T12:35:42Z

The reason that keeps be living,
is the reason why I never fall apart.
The reason that makes my heart beat,
is the reason of never feeling dread.
The reason as to why I write,
is the reason to talk at all.
The reason I never feel alone,
is the reason why I always feel happy.
The reason that I never look at the past,
is the reason why I have thoughts.
The reason I write this,
is the reason of you.

Over

2007-08-13T13:19:09Z

Looking in the past,
and seeing what mistakes I have made,
I laugh at what went wrong,
and I smile at the things we did.
Getting over grief,
has been nothing to me.
I can't seem to hold on,
quite to the one I love.
I'm tired of getting together,
and I'm tired of falling apart.
I'm trying to move on,
but you keep trying to make me stay.
Your stupid words,
that I always seems to take,
"It was an accident,
I'm sorry for what I've done.
I hate when I'm alone,
I can't seem to move on"
and those three words I have come to hate,
"I love you."
I'm tired of it all the time.
Taking breaks and getting together is now done.
I could care less about what you say,
I could care less if you stayed.
It's over,
get it through your head.
As for now,
I'm off to bed.

Sun and Rain

2007-08-09T04:59:35Z

Listening to rain outside my window.
Listening the thunder,
watching the lightning as if it was my own.
Nothing is ever gonna change this.
The rain is feeling,
so good tonight.
Like my tears,
it flows outside the lines.
Sometimes I can't stop sobbing at night,
and now I know why.
Nothing at all...
no reason to change.
I feel this pain,
and nothing to lose.
These words in my mind,
they carry on until the end of time,
and nothing can ever change how I feel.
I only cry because I don't know why,
why you won't just come to me.
Talking about the past it seems,
to bring out too many raindrops.
Fighting about all the crap we go through,
brings out a lot of thunder.
I just want it to clear up and be a sunny day,
I just want it to clear up and let the rain not fall.
The sun brings happyness,
and the shine brings laughter and smiles.
So brighten up a bit and have a good time.

The Smile is Gone

2007-08-04T13:46:05Z

The look on his face says that he is absent.
The way he looks at me says that he's in pain.
The way he talks says that he wants someone to listen.
His pain is growing greater and greater each passing day,
and I keep consoling him.
When he falls deeper into the darkeness,
I cannot help but to frown.
It hurts for me to see what is exactly going on.
Death can come so easily,
and he's slipping out of my hands.
I can't help but to be sad when he tells me these things.
To make him feel better,
I say a few jokes,
and I know his smile is plastic.
I wish I could help,
but he seems to not want to be helped most of the time.
When he comes up and talks to me,
I KNOW there is something he needs to say.
When he goes,
I KNOW he has something important to do.
Even though he doesn't tell me bye most of the time,
I KNOW he means to.
I forgive him with every piece of my heart.
The boy that I used to see,
has now become a man again,
I do cry,
and I wish I didn't.
I hope he would get better.
I've felt for him more then anyone in the world.
I feel that when he is gone,
I will no longer be here anymore either.

Knowlage

2007-08-03T16:00:15Z

Looking in the past has made me laugh.
The stupid things I say,
and the funny things I pretend.
Laughing has come so naturally,
so freely,
that I feel like nothing can stop it.
I read the old pages of a diary written by a little girl,
and it says things about love,
friends,
happy thoughts that used to be in my mind.
I look now and I think of how much that has expanded.
I beleived in so much,
I wanted so much,
and now I have everything I ever wanted,
and I beleive in everything I need.
Something tells me to keep dreaming,
something tells me it's not over.
Something is saying, there is something beyond what you see.
Test the waters and see if they lie still,
they never do.
So the water leads somewhere,
something tells me it's a waterfall,
and something tells me it may just be a stream.
You have to look to check.
Before you find out what it really is,
you want to know something else,
your knowlage expands,
and you want to know more.
Keep dreaming,
believing,
and seeing.
Eventually you will make it through.
It doesn't matter what other people say,
it doesn't matter what other people do.
If anything, they are helping you.
Your self discovery is knee deep.
Learn more,
and try to learn more,
knowlage is here,
knowlage is there.
It is everywhere if you open your eyes and see.

Look into the Light

2007-07-22T16:40:43Z

Still I hurt,
I say I don't but secretly,
I still do.
I miss you more then I've missed anyone.
Now I've become confused,
knowing how we are not talking,
some reason it's not tearing me apart anymore.
I'm not dying to talk to you,
and I'm not dying for you to forgive me.
Waiting has been great to me.
I see the light on the other side now,
and see that I can be better without you.
Even though I'm still waiting for you to forgive me,
I'm getting better.
I've started eating again,
you'd be proud,
cleared things up with my family,
you'd be proud.
Stopped thinking about death,
you'd be proud.
Everything I'm getting better at,
you'd be proud of me.
I guess I can say that,
I'm happy your not talking to me.
It's somehow making me feel better about myself.
But I would appreciate it if you would.
I need someone to talk to.
That trust thing,
yeah I need it back.
I know you hurt a real lot,
and I want to help you through everything.
You've helped me with me,
now I want to help you with you.
Do you understand?
I need the old you back,
not the one that is mad at me all the time,
I want the fun you back,
because I need someone to cheer me up when I'm feeling blue.
I want the trusting one back,
the one that tells me all of their secrets.
I hope you know,
I've kept them all.
I may have forgotten some of them,
but they are in there somewhere.
I can't help but smile when I write this,
because knowing how the world can be,
forgivness can come so sweet.
At the least expected time,
I can find you telling me what I want to hear.
I can only look at the good side of things.
I need you back to normal,
and I need you talking to me,
I'm not going to pressure you in forgiving me,
take your own sweet time,
because if I was in your shoes,
which I am now,
I'd take my sweet time about it too.
I've forgiven you,
now you can forgive me.
It's on your time,
and my time is waiting for your time to tell me your ready.
I'm smiling all the time now,
thinking of only the good,
and I wish that you would.
Life has been bad to you,
well step inside the light.
I want to comfort you and help ou get through,
whatever it is you need to do.
So I want you to think,
long and hard,
and tell me,
if you really forgive me.
This fighting has become rediculous,
and laughing about it has come so easy to me.
It was over something stupid,
that is now under control.
If you ever need me, I'm here,
I'm a helping hand.
I'm always here to understand what you need me to.
Never once have I let you down,
never once have I tried to pressure you into something,
NEVER once have I lied to you.
I've told the truth all the way,
and this one time,
will never happen again.
Everyone has disputes,
everyone has their troubles,
everyone, needs their space.
I've given it time and thought,
and waiting for you has been enough.
I'm ready to accept you anytime you want,
I want you to know,
I already have.
Even though you havn't forgiven me yet,
I like to think you have.
Come on,
get up,
smile for the better.
This is the real me talking,
and I want you to know...
Looking into the light isn't that bad.
Get out of the darkness,
come into the light,
don't worry what people say,
don't worry what people do.
Remember,
you are you,
and no-one can change that.
I love you the way you are,
so your sorry doesn't have to come.
Just a simple,
"I forgive you."
Is all I ask for.
So think about it,
and tell me when you do think it's the right time.

Sorry Too

2007-07-22T12:41:35Z

Now that your gone,
I soppose I do feel better.
Now I don't have that pain when I think of you,
I just think of all the good times we had.
Makes me laugh at the things I remember.
How I want to tell the world what you told me,
still I am a bit mad,
but not to worry,
you can still trust me.
I'm still here for you if you ever need to talk.
I'm just tired of saying sorry,
and tired of playing your games.
I'm sick and tired of everything,
so I think it was proper to let you see,
what exactly your missing.
Your missing me.
I hope you feel incomplete,
because until now,
It took me until this moment,
to see who you where truely.
Your no man,
your a little boy who needs some help.
I do miss you a lot,
but your still so small to me.
I can't beleive I said sorry to you,
you deserve to say sorry to me.
When I look at you now,
I look down on you.
Your so small to me.
Until you say sorry,
I'm with myself,
and quite frankly,
I'm feeling fine about it.
If we never make up,
It's one less thing for me to worry about.
I can't help but to cry at some points,
and I can't help but to laugh,
even though your gone,
your still here,
in my heart.
So take that shitty appology I gave you,
and take it with all your heart,
and think about what I said to you,
think long, and think hard.
I miss you more then anything in the world,
I know you have to be missing me too.
So just appologise to me,
and we will be free.
I still have not forgiven myself,
but I'm coming pretty close,
all I need is three simple words...
"I'm sorry too."

Sorry

2007-07-20T15:08:11Z

I wish you would just forgive me.
Everyday I get more and more sick.
I'm waiting for that little messege,
"I forgive you, I'm sorry that I took so long."
I can't eat anymore,
my stomach said no to that a while ago.
My mind is saying no,
you can't talk to him.
Everyone is saying, just let him be.
Well, what happens if he doesn't want to ever talk to me again.
I'm sorry, and I don't know what to do,
I've appologised so much, that I no longer can.
I've cried so much that I've lost all my tears,
I've screamed so much, that I've lost my voice.
I've slept so much, that I can't wake up.
I've messed up so much that I lost you.
Now I'm falling downwards more.
My family is asking what is wrong,
and I refuse to tell them.
My friends are asking what is wrong,
and they are tired of hearing about it.
Now I'm with myself,
and I have to help me through this.
I put on a face and smile for the better,
laugh about the good times,
but deep down,
I'm still thinking of you,
I'm in a trance trying to get out of it.
I can't take this anymore.
It's hurting me too much.
Now I suffer from an eating disorder,
I cry uncontrolably,
I scream when I get mad or don't want to talk,
I just clap thunder on someone's paradise.
I'm sorry I'm so fucked up,
I'm sorry I'm such an idiot,
I'm sorry that you deserve better then me,
I'm sorry that I'm nothing to you,
I'm sorry that I cry too much,
I'm sorry that I refuse to listen,
I'm sorry that I hurt you,
I'm sorry that I even thought I could make you feel better,
I'm sorry I tried to tell you my feelings,
I'm sorry I'm such a stupid bitch.
I hate myself now,
looking in the mirror with disgust,
I wonder when I will be normal again.
Falling deeper down and crying more and more,
looking in the mirror,
throwing up everyday.
I can't do this anymore,
you told me not to think ever about death,
I'm trying not to the best I can.
You told me not to be depressed,
not to be sad,
GOD DAMN IT LOOK AT WHAT YOUR DOING TO ME!
Your bringing me down more and more.
No longer is it just about home,
no longer is it just in my head.
You know your doing this to me,
and it's killing me to know that I'm not doing anything to you.
If your trying to teach me a lesson,
thats one shitty thing your doing there.
You were my best friend,
you were my sun and moon,
you were my fucking everything!
Thanks a fucking lot.
I'm hurt,
and screaming,
and crying,
and trying to get over you.
It seems that I can't.
Just get the fuck over it,
I said sorry,
just accept the appology.
I miss how we used to talk,
I miss how we had that trust bond.
GOD I'M SO FUCKING SORRY.
I miss you so much.
I'm sorry, sorry sorry.

Parted Ways

2007-07-19T15:32:14Z

My cracked heart has now broken,
and everything is wrong.
Falling into oasis has never been so long.
Now I cry because of something I did.
I ruined my life,
and probobly yours.
I cannot help but to feel at fault here.
Sitting and staring into wonder.
This is all I think about now.
How I wish you would listen,
how I wish you would accept my apology.
Never did I know,
it would take this toll on me.

It's amazing how much I say.
Even though, every word you don't take,
I hope maybe your listening to what I'm saying.
I hurt really bad,
and crying is now the only option.
My eyes are red,
and I can't help but to think,
what life would be without you forever.
Thinking of the moments alone by myself,
a tear rolls down.

I think now I'm completely alone.
Did you know?
I stepped out into the darkness last night,
took that walk you took.
The wonder and amazment as everything looks different in the dark.
The stars in the sky cannot explain my pain.
Even though everything is better,
still I cannot get over the fact of you.
Now you completely ignore me,
like the silent sky.
Why did I have to do this?
Why did I have to do anything.
Now I'm unforgiven,
and now I can't help but cry.

I'm nothing now,
lower then a speck of dust.
Like that speck you can just wipe it away.
I miss you,
and I love you.
You have to understand,
I forgive you if you can't.
This has tought me the hugest lesson of my life.
You don't know what you have until it's gone.
I miss my best friend,
where did he go?
I miss my buddy,
but now he's gone.

In two different worlds we live alone,
both with pain and sorrow,
both with hopes of living on,
both with crying and shame,
but both with people on their seperate ways.
As you go left, I go right,
you go on that path, and I go on this one.
I have never cried so much in my life.
Wondering how I'll get through this,
as another tear rolls down,
I can't help but think of pain.
Living life like this is nothing but pain.

I'm really ill now,
and still you won't accept me.
I'm affraid I'm dying.
What happens if I die before I wake tonight?
Knowing that you havn't forgiven me.
I'm sure the lord won't want my soul to take.
I'll be alone in the world,
walking on just alone.
Being invisible and still hurting when I'm dead.

Forgiveness has never been wanted so much.
I need you to forgive me,
because if you don't forgive me,
I still feel horrible.
If that death comes tonight,
I want you to know,
I was thinking of you the whole time.