She stares out the window.
The moon is so bright.
Next to her is a half-drunken bottle of tequilla,
she's been drinking it all night.
Other side of her lay a shotgun,
steady and still.
I bet it's ready,
already filled.
Numorus cuts and bruises on her body,
She wanted to know what pain felt like.
But you haven't seen the needles,
she put into her body tonight.
Her body is telling her,
"You haven't a chance to fight."
She chugs her tequilla,
it's gone by 3.
She picks up the shotgun,
and puts it to her head.
Can you see what you've done to her now?
BANG!
She is dead.
You're to blame.
You made her feel this way,
oh that poor little dame.
You tried to play God,
and look at what you got,
a big NOTHING!
She wrote little poems about you,
how much she wanted you gone,
but how much she wanted you there.
You took away all her pens and paper,
and what did she have left?
A nice bottle of tequilla,
and a bullet for her head.
Now I feel the exact same,
gradually the pens and paper slip away,
I hide it all away and say I have no pain,
but now can you see how I feel?
You're not listening to a word I say,
you've lied to me a thousand times,
you've taken my will to write,
and you've taken everything right!
Please!
Leave me to die.
I have a nice bottle of wine,
and a gun under my bed,
face me now,
but it's too late.
I'm already dead.

His  voice is beyond angelic.
The sight of him takes my breath away.
I get beyond nervous around him,
and I can't help but to giggle insanely.
Then I say all the wrong things,
and it makes me sound so lame.
My feelings for him are so astonishing,
he's hurt me in the past,
why am I letting him back into my life?

Any guy that plays acoustic for me,
is consittered a great guy.
I don't know his intentions,
maybe he wanted to just wanted me to see how he sounded,
maybe he was trying to make me giddy.
I wish I knew why he did it.

Is he letting me into his heart,
or is this a flag of friendship?
I would love to get a start in his heart,
I would love to learn why exactly he does the things he does.
I believe I'm digging way too deep into what he's done.
Although, he did ask me,
"Who made you giddy today?"
As if you didn't know.
I believe he had a purpose to what he's done,
maybe he didn't.

No-one has done this for me before,
and it just makes me wonder more.
To sound even more lame,
I looked at an astrology report.
Take a guess at what exactly it said my dears.
A virgo is what is perfect for me,
and wouldn't you guess,
he is a virgo.
It makes me smile,
but makes me sound increadibly lame.
I'm digging too much,
and it was probobly nothing but a friendly thing to do.

I wish I knew his intentions,
it really makes me wonder,
and it really makes me ponder.
I believe I'm digging too deep.
If I didn't dig so much,
I wouldn't feel this way.
My heart is over my mind now,
and I cannot help the way I feel anylonger.

Current Mood: contemplative

It's not worth it..
Nothing at all is worth it.
I'm sick of crying and being held down.
I'm sick of covering up what exactly it is I'm upset for.
I'm upset over the fact of you.
I could never have you.
I keep the feeling inside,
and thus it is burning.
I wish the burning would end,
but forever it will stay,
locked safe away.

Whenever I see him,
I try to hold a sad face,
but everytime I see him,
he makes the sad face into a happy one.
I cannot help but smile around you,
because there is no other way I would like you to see me.
I often hide the real me,
I often wonder what exactly you want from me.
Is it my true self?
Is that the one you really want me to be?

I frown, because around you,
thats just not me.
I am the happy person on the outside,
and I don't want you to see my inside.
It's been torn apart too many times,
I've set myself up for it.
Maybe this once,
if I keep my feelings locked up,
he weight of the world, 
will subside.

Will you be the one to mend my broken heart?
Will you be the one to fix me on the inside?
No you won't.
I see it now.
I'm destined to stay where I stand.
i'm destined to be where I'm at.
I adore you with all my heart,
but seeing how this will never work out,
I should end this life now.

I feel so lost inside.
I've tried to love someone, I know that will never work.
I told him everything about me,
and I told him all that he needed to know.
He didn't feel for me at all.
Now I'm lost on the inside,
and no-one can find me out.
Do you see these tears that storm out of my eyes?

Yet do you see, I've moved on.
I've went back to loving you.
You don't feel for me either.
Now I'm more lost inside,
and not one person can feel what I feel.
I feel like getting pushed into the ground, 
and getting burried six feet under.
My mind is so lost,
it's down in the gutter.
I feel so ugly,
so spit on me now.
I'm sorry for all the pain I caused,
and I know I've caused lots.
I want to be with you more then ever now.
I can't explain just what it is about you.
But something tells me this is right.
I'm up to my head in all the sayings I've said.
I'm sorry is the biggest one.
We aren't fighting anymore,
which I am entirely greatful.
If I told you my feelings,
I would want to get a knife and stab away my insides.
I cannot tell anyone my feelings anymore.
They have been bundled inside.

Kill me now.
Please I beg of you.
There was no use for saying anything,
because no-one will listen.
I'm lost with only me,
and only one person can set me free.
He's set in the past,
and I'm done counting to three.
I love how he still defends me though,
and I love how if I really need to talk to him, 
he's there.
But the feeling of I know he's thinking something else,
just puts me to death.

As I said,
kill me now.
I'm holding my breath.
Fire the gun, and lets count to ten.
You're so hurt inside,
let us die toegether.
Side by side,
hand in hand.
Away from pain,
and we will be together then.

Or if you wish to save me,
then come with me.
Please hurry.
No longer will I have the need for this heart of mine,
because as soon as the fire comes,
there will be no use for it.
You can have it if you want.
It's as broken as yours.
Two broken hearts can make a whole,
take my heart and save me please,
lock it safe with a key.

I need him right now,
or I might die.
These feelings cannot stay inside no longer,
so save me tonight,
because I am lost inside.

Current Mood: depressed

I'm here.
You just don't see me.
I'm tired of all the lies,
and the stupid way you treat me.
Say your stupid little goodbye,
with all your breath,
because it will be the last thing I'll hear,
before I dissapear.
Did you really think all of this would last?
That stupidness you call love,
well take a look at it now,
and smile at what I've become.
I'm drowned in my emotion...
is this what I want?
Do I want more?
I love how you said you trusted me,
and didn't believe I could take what was wrong at the end.
So listen to your words,
and think about how I feel.
I'm more upset then anyone in the world.
And Oh Is That Rain Outside?
Welcoming my little goodbye.
I'm away...
and there is nothing you can do to save me. 

Current Mood: depressed

 The daylight,
it has came.
Nothing is the same.
I'm staring at the window wondering,
when was I released from this pain?
The burdon of you is no longer here,
and the sadness has found a way out of my heart.
Gradually it's remains are coming back together,
and the fight is no longer remaining.
I wish I could still call you friend,
and I wish that you where still here.
Is this how it was soppost to work out all along?
I cannot beleive that this is so.
Impossible for it to be.
Your gone out of my life for good,
and now I have no-one to love.
I still have this sadness inside my head,
are you ever coming back again?
Should I say so long and call it a night?
Are you finished causing all my frights?
I cannot help but to feel an emptiness,
and a feeling of dread lurks inside.
Even though the pieces of my heart are coming back together,
they still have a big hole in a certain part.
The part says that I need one piece for completion.
The piece of which, you hold.
I want it back so much,
and yet you won't let it go.
I see that you are squeezing the life out of it,
squeezing my heart.
Then I notice you take a knife and stab it in the middle,
and I see a smile that is out of control.
It saddens me to see that,
and to see that nothing is going to work.
Saying sorry isn't going to make it whole.
I can't explain what is the problem,
and don't even know why this fight began.
Even though the light is shedding on me,
I don't want to go in it yet.
I want to stay in darkenss a bit longer,
and I want to resolve what went wrong,
I so miss the happyness,
or should I say the sadness that you brought me,
that I turned into smiles and joy?
Finding a way to releive pain,
is coming easier everyday.
I'm going to say I miss you,
and I feel that I am doomed without you.
Please don't go away.
I love all of our little mistakes.
Sunlight isn't for me,
darkenss, let it be.
I want you back with all my heart,
say hello,
and lets restart.

Make me scream.
Make me scared,
break my heart,
now stay away.
I'm not going to be able to stand it.
Seeing you every morning,
it burns me inside.
Whenever you walk by,
it makes me scream inside.
I can't take the pain,
your causing me.
If we aren't going anywhere,
then why should you stay?
Your tormenting my insides.
PLEASE STAY AWAY!
Toying with my emotions won't get anywhere.
You make me cry,
when you walk by.
You just came again,
and my heart sprung.
Trying to get over you,
is NOT easy.
I'm trying so hard for you,
I'm trying hard to be perfect.
I can't!
You make me so sad.
At the same time you make me mad.
You say your looking for the one,
isn't that FALSE advertising?
So technicly,
your looking for a cheap one time thing.
I want you so bad,
that I want YOU.
I'll wait until your cured from heartache.
I want you to wait too.
Your hurt so much,
that I can hear your screams from inside.
I never see a tear roll down your cheek,
you are so strong to me,
when I know whats wrong,
and how you keep it together,
it makes me wonder.
I'm so torn up inside,
do I want you?
Do I really feel for you?
Or,
do I need you gone?
I can't figure which one I want.
Stay,
or begone.
I need to know.
Do  you want me?
Or do you want me away from your sight?
Either way,
I'll probably cry.
I don't want to think,
why your always around.
Maybe it's a sign,
or,
perhaps,
your just here to hurt me.
Whatever your here for,
please explain it.
I'm here so you can tell me.
Always here.

How does it feel,
to know that nothing is real?
The words that you decided to say to me,
are planted in my memory.
You are not forgiven for this,
welcome to everlasting pain.
Welcome to the place where nothing goes away,
I understand that she pushed you away,
I really don't want to be the same.
The way that you treated me,
and how whenever something is wrong,
it's my fault,
and I have to say sorry,
and wait for forgiveness.
Now it's your turn.
You were in the wrong,
I'm not going to be singing that song.
YOU ARE!
The many times,
I've wanted you to die,
and the many times,
I've wanted to scream at you.
I can't help but to feel,
that all this comes back to me.
Your treating me,
like she treated you.
I can't believe you want to be with someone like that.
I can't believe that your still in a trance.
Your pushing me away,
because I'm not the same,
you want someone to release you from pain,
why are you looking?
I've always been in front of you.
Thanks for ignoring me,
thanks for treating me like nothing.
Your a great friend. 

A feeling of unimaginal dread.
The feeling of,
not going to bed.
The thoughts of wondering,
when I'll be whole again.
Everytime we fight,
a peice of my heart leavces me.
I'm tired of crying,
and I'm tired of dying.
When you leave me alone,
I stare at the phone,
thinking,
"Is he gonna call?"
It gets so stupid when I'm lonely,
I feel ashamed when you hold me,
I whimper when nothing is right.
I stare out the window,
and wait for a passer-by to notice me.
Nobody's here.
I'm alone again,
it's my worst fear.
My thoughts arn't empty,
yet I'm unhappy.
Nothing is right inside.
I'm torn up between,
the lies and the truths,
which am I following?
Which is better for you?
I feel so dreadful,
what did I do?
Am I lost forever?
Am I gonna break through?
As I'm wondering these thoughts,
I think of a permanent solution,
for a temporary problem,
it will come so sweetly,
and help me through.
As I lay on the bed,
with the gun to my head,
my thoughts become empty,
and I say,
"This is what I'm gonna do."
I think of how this will get you back,
you'll cry,
and I'll lay,
dead in the ground,
already flown away.
Your stupid plan to make me feel bad,
worked great.
I smile at the thought,
of you cutting your own wrists,
and I laugh at the thought of you losing blood.
The smile soon fades,
as I take the gun away.
making you sad is not my wish,
you put me down,
and bring me back up,
I start crying because I'm confused.
How I want to hurt you,
how I want to love you.
The fact still remains,
you made my heart cry inside.
In the end,
I put the gun back to my head,
I pulled the trigger,
a smile on my face,
a scream in fear,
and death was near.
My last thoughts was when you made me happy,
and how you made me smile at the perfect moments.
I saw you come to the funeral,
I came in spirit,
and watched you kneel beside the coffin.
I looked at your slit wrists,
and watched a tear escape your eye.
You were talking to me,
and how I wished I could hear.
You smiled and moved my hair,
and stuck a rose behind my ear.
You kissed my cheek,
and then went back to your seat.
I couldn't help but take the seat next to you.
I whimpered,
because all along I knew.
As the light came,
I knew it was time to leave.
I looked at you one final time,
and you were looking back at me,
with a smile on your face...
and then,
I felt the kiss on my cheek.